NOT ANOTHER ABDUCTION?!

Emergency Dispatch from WTTQ’s Midnight Desk 

Written on tinfoil and faith by Raine Solara

Yes.
Another.
And not just any abduction, this one happened in broad twilight, just after the espresso machine at the Basement hissed out its last macchiato.

Trenton and Raine are trying to save Mellowbell

The Retreat has once again lost someone.
This time? Maybe someone... maybe something.

WHO OR WHAT IS GONE?

Tubby’s other emotional support animal (a fainting goat named Blorp)?
DJ Bun’s USB stick containing the “Cinco de Mato” megamix?
Or someone from the crowd, perhaps that newcomer who kept asking weirdly specific questions about meteor density?

Dr. Parallax (stroking a Moai’s chin thoughtfully):
“They’re selecting now. We should all be worried if the goat’s next.”

Dimensional quota system: Aliens must abduct a certain number per season.
The jukebox made a deal in exchange for eternal power.
Mellowbell is exacting cosmic revenge and reclaiming the earthlings one by one.

Dr. Parallax was warned not to walk up to the beam, but he felt protected under the Moai faith of Rapa Nui. However, there is no evidence of extraterrestrial technology or materials in the creation of the Moai. 

CURRENT RETREAT SAFETY MEASURES:

Tinfoil hats are now mandatory at sunset.
The hollow tree has been roped off but continues to hum faint lullabies.
DJ Laura has added a “NO BEAMING” remix to the Basement setlist.
Tubby is building a low-tech cow-shaped decoy, just in case Mellowbell returns and needs a familiar friend.

...and then Dr. Parallax was abducted too.

One question remains:
Are these abductions random?
Or part of a larger pattern, perhaps hidden in the gallery…
...or coded into the whipped foam atop every espresso macchiato?