What To Do With the Ollegal Aliens?

 Filed by Raine Solara, who insists that’s how it was spelled on the flyer.

Yes, “ollegal aliens.”
Not illegal.
Ol-legal.
A term first scribbled in chalk behind the jukebox at The Basement Club, then whispered by Shayth’rien’s cat, then finally uttered out loud by Trenton Glass after two mezcal shots and a knowing glance toward the Hollow Tree.

They are everywhere

WHO ARE THE OLLEGAL ALIENS?

Too weird for Earth, too nostalgic for home.
Time tourists who overstayed their vibes.
They wear borrowed shoes, speak in palindromes, and prefer radio static to music.
One of them has been impersonating the vending machine at the Retreat since March.

THEIR “OLLEGAL” STATUS:

They’re not unauthorized.
They’re unexplained.
When asked for documents, they offer:
Abstract art
Forgotten dreams
A poem about soup

One Espresso please

The Chapel tried to baptize one.
It baptized everyone else instead.

WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS?

Option A: Try to deport them.
But where would they go?
"Back" is not a direction when you exist in side-thoughts.

Option B: Offer them citizenship.

They’ve already memorized the Espresso Macchiato song and vote via telepathy.

Life may give you lemons

When dancing with the demons

No stresso, no stresso

No need to be depresso

Option C: Integrate them.
They’ve already joined Erma’s mushroom co-op,
one opened a massage stand called “Hands of Light Years,”
and several are now DJs (unintentionally — just standing near the turntables affects the bass).

WHAT THE LOCALS SAY:

Dandy: “I had lentils with one. We’re good.”
Rachel: “They helped me tune my aura.”
Anjelikka: “One keeps sketching me from across dimensions. It’s flattering… I think.”
Dr. Parallax: “They remember Earth better than Earth remembers Earth.”

FINAL THOUGHT:

Maybe they’re not the outsiders. Perhaps we’re the ones who left something behind…and the ollegal aliens? They're just here to remind us what we forgot.

Let them stay.
Give them jobs.
Let them remix the jukebox.

But above all, ask them what they think of the espresso macchiato. Their answer might save us all. What are your thoughts?