Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Is there anything worth holding on to?

Lately, it seems
I've lost inspiration
It feels like it's miles away
I sleep through the day
Cry through the night time
Caught in an empty space
It takes effort to fight
I don't have the strength

I'm holding on to what's still left of me
When the life you had planned
Slowly slips through your hands
When it feels like you just slept through all
The best years of your life
When you can't find your way
When each day is the same
When you've lost the fight inside of you
Is there anything worth holding on to?

It's hard to be strong
When weakness is stronger
I'm a prisoner in my own skin
I'm not good on my own
I need to be cared for
Someone to help these days begin
There are dreams I've let die
That I just pushed aside
I need to find out how to turn this dark back into light
When the warmth disappears
When it's been one of those years
When you're running from the truth because your scared of what you might find
When your heart's beyond repair
When you wake and no ones there
When your home consists of only you
Is there anything worth holding on to

Maybe tomorrow my heart will reawaken
And I can find what I've been searching for
But today I'm tired and I'm running out of strength
All I know is I can't live like this anymore
When you're so far from home
When you've lost all signs of hope
When you're searching for salvation
But it feels so far away
When the words have disappeared
And the melody's unclear
When there's nothing left inside of you
Is there anything worth holding on to
Cause I will still be holding on, to anything worth holding on to...

Monday, May 25, 2020

Memorial Day 2020

For many Americans this is just a day they use to BBQ with family and friends and party, which of course is fine but not the true meaning of Memorial Day. Do not be an ignorant American who does not even know why we celebrate this day and it is not really a celebration. It is a day to remember and honor! 

Memorial Day was a response to the unprecedented carnage of the Civil War, in which a total of some 620,000 soldiers died between both sides. The loss of life and its effect on communities throughout the country led to several spontaneous commemorations of the dead.

Every Memorial Day we go to the military cemetery close to where we live in real life. I go there as a support for my daughter who has to visit her Dad's grave there. This year we could not because of the C019. 

When I see graves at a Club and people are celebrating Memorial Day right there, I find this a bit disrespectful. Apparently they do not know about this day and I ask myself when have you last dances at a cemetery?

So seeing that party going on at this Club in Second Life triggered my PTSD and I had to say something to the owner. I know they did not like it and some of the club-goers think bad of me as a result and that is ok, because if I have to defend why it is NOT ok to dance at a cemetery because we are celebrating the men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice then I am proud to do it. Regardless if this is in Second Life or Real Life, freedom is not free and all who died in uniform deserve the respect.

It is customary on Memorial Day to fly the flag at half-staff until noon, and then raise it to the top of the staff until sunset. Poppies are associated with those who died during wartime since World War I.  In the U.S., people wear the red poppy on Memorial Day to honor those who died trying to protect the country, according to The Department of Veterans Affairs.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Hey are you awake?

“And when no one wakes you up in the morning, and no one waits for you at night, and you can do whatever you want, what do you call it? Freedom or loneliness?”

Hey, are you awake? Yeah, I'm right here. Well, can I ask you about today?

I find that most of the time people are afraid of you when you suffer from some kind of depression because let's face it depression is categorized under Mental Health. I don't feel like a nut case. I find that mental health is still a very taboo subject. Many people are still ignorant about mental health and don’t treat it seriously because it’s not really visible. There is this stigma around it like it would be an illness that is contagious. It really isn't.

There are times when I asked people for advice and the second I feel that I am a burden, I pull away. I know it makes them uncomfortable and they cannot be brutally honest to me and tell me to stop bugging, which would save me much time. 

Silence can be worse than a slap in the face because people with anxiety will analyze this and mostly in a negative way. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.

Do not accept emotional abuse. Know that you are worthy of a healthy relationship with someone who can communicate in a mature, emotionally healthy manner. Play with someone who has the ability to share the shovel and pail. You deserve no less. So again I ask: Hey, are you awake? Yeah, I'm right here. Well, can I ask you about today?

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

I have to pinch myself...

...it's said in surprise when you can't believe that something so good is happening just to let you know that its real and you're not dreaming. Another one of those terms that would be taken wrong in translation.

There has been an amazing amount of visitors to the Retreat since the video and destination came out. The blog has more and more visitors as well. There are 70 countries registered who have looked at the blog. Unbelievable pinching material for sure.

I love how creative people are with their avatars. This fox was so cool as it danced around the Retreat and even filled a big portion inside the Basement Club. Love it.

There is a Flickr group for anyone who does take pictures and wants to add them to the Retreat Group: https://www.flickr.com/groups/amretreat/

I would love to see who all visits or how you see the Retreat.

Monday, May 18, 2020

The Retreat

Thank you Second Life and Draxtor for listing the Retreat and telling my story. It was quite an adventure and an honor to have this. 

I also wanted to thank all of my friends and supporters who believe in me and join me in this adventure. Each one of you added a part to this and I am very grateful to have this. I know some of you had to be here extra extra early to make this video happen. Thank you!

thanks, John for this picture
I hope everybody who comes and visits the Retreat and Basement Club will find new friends, peace, joy, laughter, and more.

Quiet on the set....Action, Camera and Roll!!!!


Saturday, May 16, 2020

Being Thirsted Over

To have an intense desire, yearning, or need for something. Even from a young age, he thirsted after knowledge, devouring any he could get his hands on. Growing up in such a small, secluded town, I constantly thirsted after romance and adventure.

Being thirsted over is one of those terms me as a German takes this literal and I honestly thought why are people saying this? I understood it as thirst= The desire to drink, and over= At an end: So my meaning of thirsted over would be I had too much to drink. What? 

Imagine someone who is learning English and how they would translate that. Let me know in the comments what you think.

I could say in German: ich gönn' mir 'nen Lütten, but that would not translate well either, and besides as I am learning this being thirsted over has nothing to do with drinking.

Friday, May 15, 2020

Second Life is really an extension of real life.

Every person has a story and every story is important. It is what defines us and all you have to believe that your story is important. Your story makes a difference. ~ Anjelikka 2020

Second Life is really an extension of real life. Some people may not agree with this but think about it; when you log in it is you at this moment logging in, you are the one who decides what to say and what to do, so it is happening in the "now". It is real life.

More about this later...
When the opportunity arrives to tell your story, you go with it. It is not a matter of luck it is what suppose to have happened. Whether an opportunity is big or small you have to be ready. I had the absolute pleasure of telling my story to Draxtor Depres. Draxtor is a person who has a great deal of interest in people's stories. What makes them (the people) come to Second Life? He has a quality of kindness and respect and a sense of humor, which is cool for a German guy. Us Germans are not always labeled to be funny, but in reality, we are, you just have to get to know us.

Who is the true me? What is my story?
Second Life may have avatars and creatures but each one is operated by a real-life person and it is very much real life that is happening in the virtual world. There are reasons for all of us who log in why we are here. Some of us may create beautiful avatars and some may create a character that is just waiting for their story to be told.

I find it truly amazing this place and I know that is why Draxtor is here as well. I feel this is a perfect place for him to get to know about a person because here in Second Life it is a little bit easier to tell your story. It has a bit of anonymity because you only reveal what you want. Even if you are totally not revealing anything you are still in a way telling your story of wanting to escape from the world that defines who you are.

The Second Life Book Club
I recently attended my very first Second Life Book Club session and was very impressed by the quality of book selections and the pure love for literature by not only Draxtor but the audience. I highly recommend all book lovers to go and check it out and hear from the authors who wrote the books. Oh, by the way, Draxtor is an excellent reader and storyteller, so I have to give him an A+ for that. For me, it is always better when someone reads the story rather than me reading it myself. Dyslexia often gets in the way.

Thank you Draxtor for listening to not only my story but for listening to the people who are here in second life.