“Cosmic Manners 101: Intergalactic Etiquette for Earthlings”

WTTQ Cosmic Culture Broadcast
From the dusty data decks of Area 52
Filed by: Anjelikka Kowalski, Embarrassed Once on the Moon

"Just because they don’t have a mouth doesn’t mean they can’t scream in awkward silence."

Consensus over Ego

Aliens don’t argue about facts. They triangulate perspectives and make decisions collaboratively, not competitively. There’s no “devil’s advocate” because wasting time on sabotage-for-sport is considered primitive. Stop trying to be right all the time; you are not. We know what you look like behind that screen.

I picked up another car from Devon's shop

Resource Harmony

Instead of hoarding, aliens practice “resource choreography.” At Area 52, they’ve reorganized human storage rooms with eerie efficiency, often anticipating needs before humans express them. One alien worker re-engineered the snack closet so nobody ever reached for the last granola bar. Your inventory is full of useless crap. Folders of them, notecards, and snapshots. Who are you saving this for?

Hazbin Hotel, a game within a game...makes sense!

Aliens appear to understand emotional hygiene more effectively than humans. If one is upset, they self-quarantine energetically, often wearing cloaking veils or changing their bio-luminescent patterns to signal “not now.”

Dating Protocols

Let’s not forget: Alien dating is deeply practical. Before a date, potential partners exchange dream signatures and biochemical compatibility charts. No guessing games. No ghosting. No “what are we?” conversations. ⁂¤π∴ may have forgotten Anjelikka, but at least he didn’t leave her on read; his memory was wiped by a cosmic tribunal. And let's get this straight: I never called ⁂¤π∴ Kevin, he was always Mike to me. (There I go arguing about facts).

“They don't lie, cheat, or forget to RSVP. And if they abduct you, they send a follow-up survey.”

Aliens loathe inefficiency (kind of like Germans). They use thought-spheres, a kind of shared awareness bubble, to transmit updates.
Meanwhile, Bob from Accounting is still trying to screen share on Zoom. Did you ever learn those Zoom techniques?

Aliens might not understand why we eat food shaped like dinosaurs or vote against our own survival. But they do understand potential.

Manners are universal, but their expressions are not. If you're unsure, just remember the golden rule of the galaxy:

“Don’t be a human at warp speed.”