“Do Aliens Poop?” A Deep Dive (Not Literally)

 WTTQ LATE-NIGHT TRANSMISSION from the Basement Club

Yes, we’re going there. Because someone had to ask (Dr. Parallax). And frankly, we’re surprised it took this long.

"Do aliens poop?

Depending on the alien species, the process varies dramatically:

SCIENTIFIC(ISH) BREAKDOWN:

Grumbletonians

Do they poop? Technically, yes.

How? Their bodies break down nutrients via quantum osmosis. Waste is exhaled as tiny, emotionally charged vapor clouds that smell vaguely like rosemary and guilt.
“I once walked into one,” said Dandy. “It felt like regret and onions.”

The Tubulars (like Tubby?)
Do they poop? Yes, and often.
Where? A built-in biological portal opens when they’re in safe, damp environments. This is why Tubby won’t sit on fabric chairs.
Also explains the mysterious stains on the retreat cushions.
The cow abduction? May have been fertilizer-related.

Alien-Elves (like Shayth’rien)

Do they poop? No. They meditate waste away. When asked for comment, Shay said: “Mortals pass matter. I pass into serenity.” (The Alien-Elf was known to poop on people and then run as fast as he could).

The bathroom in the Basement was removed.

The CEO Alien

Unclear. But Dr. Parallax insists they “have a system far more advanced than ours,” involving nanobot-assisted atomization and the phrase: “Not waste. Just postponed molecules.”

Some aliens rent human bathrooms not because they need to, but to observe us while we do.
They call it:

“The Great Excretion Ritual of Earthkind.”
There are slideshows. There are field notes. There are... Yelp reviews.

 Stay tuned for our next exposé:
“Do Alien Babies Come From Eggs, Pods, or Awkward First Dates at the Basement Club?”
WTTQ Always Watching. Always Wondering. Well, it is the people who come to the Basement Club who ask these questions, and we are just trying to answer them. What do you think? What shall we explore next?