“Do Aliens Celebrate Hanukkah? The Caribou Says Yes.”

Filed from Area 52, where the lights are already blinking.

It started when one of the antenna-caribou was overheard saying:
“We will require eight nights. Possibly nine, if the latkes are good.”

Naturally, WTTQ investigators stepped in.

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According to alien cultural experts (two cats, a jukebox, and someone named Dandy):
Aliens love the Festival of Lights, but for very alien reasons.
Aliens believe the menorah is: A multi-beam signaling device, a countdown clock to snacks

“The most polite laser array we’ve ever seen”

One alien attempted to dock a small shuttle with it.
Security intervened.

Aliens are OBSESSED with latkes. “Crispy gravity disks.Oil-based morale technology.”
“The reason the miracle happened,” Aramis Moonshadow ate an entire dozen once and then came back for another batch, claiming he was no Sprink Chicken (we are not sure what he meant by this, do you?)

An alien chef was heard whispering:
“Eight nights are insufficient for this food.”

The caribou with the strongest antenna has volunteered to:
Light the candles (with its antlers).
Recite blessings in a language that sounds like dial-up internet.
Enforce a strict no open flame near the Glühwein policy.

When asked if it understood Hanukkah, the caribou replied:
“No. But the vibes are immaculate.”

Do Aliens Actually Celebrate?
Yes, but differently.
Aliens observe Hanukkah by:

Turning on one additional light per night.
Telling the same story repeatedly, but with more lasers each time.
Arguing whether the miracle was divine, quantum, or “just very efficient oil.”
Anjelikka, adjusting the lights across Area 52, simply said:
“Any holiday that survives eight nights deserves respect.”