Residents of Area 52 are advised to stay indoors, bring in their caribou, and avoid dangling candy canes from windows.”
At approximately 19:42 local time, multiple witnesses reported a large goat-like entity flying over Area 52.
Initial assumptions that it was an alien holiday guest were dismissed when sensors detected:
Iron chains
Hoof impacts on rooftops
A surprisingly judgmental aura
The aliens immediately identified it as Earth Entity KR-ΔMP-US, commonly known as Krampus.
This is… not Santa.”
Anjelikka, Area 52 Resident
“He flew right past the landing pad. Even my cats hid, and they’re normally fine with interdimensional horrors.”
Alien Command activated Festive Containment Protocol 12, which includes:
Deploying wolves (wearing jingle collars for morale).
Switching the mood lights from purple to “protective green.”
Broadcasting a looping message:
“Attention, Krampus: All beings here have been moderately good.”
DJ Casey switched tonight’s playlist to “Run, Run, Rudolph But Faster.”
What Is Krampus Doing at Area 52?
Experts propose three possibilities:
He’s lost.
GPS does not function well around wormholes. He’s inspecting the aliens’ naughty/nice logs.
(The aliens strongly deny wrongdoing.)
He’s looking for someone who still hasn’t unpacked their inventory since 2017.
If that’s you… Good luck. He also advises people to buy at the UFOh my Gacha Store or else.
Meteorologist Trenton Glass says the storm front tonight may include:
Light snow swirling holiday particles and sporadic hooves from above.
Residents should remain calm and avoid feeding strange shadow-creatures.
“We will keep you updated throughout the night.
For now, this is Trenton for WTTQ Channel 10, reminding you:
If you hear chains, hide the gingerbread.”
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| "Stop, do not take the reporter!" Anjelikka is trying her best 011 power. (no luck) |
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