Letters to the Editor of WTTQ

 Volume 7, Issue 4

The aliens have stirred up trouble, and second-life residents are coming to us with their concerns:

"Enough with the Space Lice"

Dear WTTQ,
I was trying to enjoy my nachos at The Basement Club last Friday when someone shouted that “space lice are airborne!” Do you know what that does to a person mid-bite? My hair’s been itching ever since. Probably psychosomatic, but still. Please stop publishing alien hygiene stories unless there’s a cure.
- Irritated in Ironcloud

"Light Anomalies Ruined My Set"

To Whom It May Concern,
I was spinning a rare acid-jazz remix when the lights at The Basement Club went full supernova mode. Dancers scattered, people started livestreaming, and my BPM got wrecked. If the aliens want to send signals, tell them to buy ad space like everyone else.
-DJ Who Remains Nameless

"WTTQ Is Clearly Compromised"
Dear WTTQ,
If you think we don’t notice that your so-called “hotspots” just happen to be venues in this month’s Area 52 hunt, you’re wrong. Either you’re working for them, or you’ve been replaced by something that looks like you.
-Redacted for Security

Dear WTTQ,

My roommate says the small alien in my palm is “just a toy.” But last night it blinked, and my houseplants rearranged themselves. Should I be concerned, or just water them more?
-Uneasy in Unit 4

Dear WTTQ,
My alien friend is trying to communicate through my coffee maker. Every time I brew, it spells “RUN” in the crema. Should I…?
-Caffeinated & Confused

Dear WTTQ,
My boyfriend says the UFO crash site behind our trailer is “good for tourism.” But the little green man I met there says he needs a ride to the bus station. Should I let him use my punch card?
-Love in the Time of Tractor Beams

Dear WTTQ,
An eagle has been watching me for three days straight. I thought it was majestic, until I noticed it was wearing a tiny headset. Am I being surveilled, or is this just the latest fashion trend?
-Paranoid but Polite