WTTQ FIELD REPORT “THE ALIEN HELPERS: DOMESTIC EXCHANGE AT AREA 52”

Filed by Correspondent Raine Solara | Broadcast from the Monty Region, SEGI 

“This is Raine Solara reporting live from Area 52, where aliens have traded tractor beams for… Swiffers?”

The SEGI Project’s latest outreach effort, the “Domestic Exchange Program,” is testing the limits of human–alien cooperation. For the first time ever, extraterrestrial guests are volunteering to assist with day-to-day Earth chores, a mission organizers call ‘Cross-Cultural Maintenance and Mutual Sanitation.’

So far, the results are out of this world, well, maybe.

Inside a shimmering habitat filled with lavender light, two aliens were spotted folding shirts with geometric precision.

“We find this… meditative,” one told me through a translator node.
“But socks? Too hostile. They scream of entropy.”

No word yet on what that means. SEGI staff have been instructed to wear sandals until further notice.

In the kitchen sector, an alien with five translucent hands was discovered entranced by a single soap bubble.

“Each contains a parallel universe,” it murmured, refusing to pop it.
Cleanup efficiency plummeted by 300%, but morale soared.

[19:39] Devon Reggiane: That sounds like a line to sell encyclopedias: "from cereal to the butt... It's all in here!"

Another volunteer, equipped with an anti-gravity vacuum, made headlines when it accidentally removed a small fern from the physical plane.

“We assume the plant’s fine,” said a SEGI supervisor. “We’re just not sure which galaxy it’s in now.”

 Aliens reportedly adore baking, though they question our limited portion sizes.

“Humans divide infinity into dinner plates,” said one chef from the Pleiades.
“We prefer buffet without end.”

Their signature dish, Cosmic Pudding, has since become a cafeteria favorite despite occasional bioluminescent side effects.

The report concludes with perhaps the strangest finding: aliens consider taking out the trash a form of cosmic devotion.
“We return matter to the infinite,” said one participant solemnly while emptying a bin.

“So, are aliens better housemates than humans? The data is inconclusive, but the socks are definitely gone.

Reporting live from Area 52, this is Raine Solara for WTTQ:

‘Keeping it clean, across dimensions.’”