“DR. PARALLAX (AKA Elvis) BRINGS TREATS FOR THE ALIENS”

Filed under extraterrestrial etiquette and questionable hospitality by Raine Solara, still picking glitter off her boots.

“They understand. They’ve accepted the treaty.”

WHO IS DR. PARALLAX?
Alleged dimensional physicist / retired Elvis impersonator/collector of antique planetary maps.
Wears lab coats that sparkle faintly in moonlight
Once slow-danced with a Moai statue at the Retreat’s Winter Gala.

Believes “treat diplomacy” is the future of interspecies relations

And tonight, he showed up to the Midnight Commons of the Retreat with a cooler full of snacks and a grin wide enough to swallow a timeline.

Show me what he gave you!

Trenton Glass (reporting from behind a tree, seeing a cooler):

“It smelled like nutmeg and interstellar betrayal.”

Contents included:
1. Blueberry lentil muffins (alien favorite, apparently)
2. Marshmallow cubes shaped like cats (confusing to actual cats)
3. Something jiggling in an unmarked jar (Shallan claimed it was “a memory in edible form”)
4. Cold glow sticks wrapped in rice paper
5. One unlabeled burrito (which made a low purring sound)

Three known cat-aliens from the Retreat  nicknamed Whisker, Echo, and That One That Blinks Too Slowly, gathered near area 52, where Parallax had arranged a folding table with napkins and a flickering candle shaped like an asteroid.

Elvis claims the aliens would not probe him if he brought treats.

Rachel, barefoot and suspicious, whispered to Raine:

“He’s feeding them sugar.
You think that’s wise?
They already blame us for the jukebox incident.”

Casey just shrugged, danced a few spins, and pocketed two glow stick-rice rolls for later.

Final words by Dr. Parallax: “We’ve been trying to reach them through science. But sometimes…you just need snacks and sincerity.”

Then he turned and walked toward the train station, where Engine 229 sat humming quietly.