Title: Doctor of Ambiguous Realities, Keeper of Stone Desires
Dr. Parallax was once a real scientist before the Retreat rewrote his credentials.
Obsession: The Moai Statues — yes, like the ones on Easter Island, but… not quite.
There are two Moai heads hidden deep beneath the Retreat, accessed only by descending an elevator that doesn’t appear unless you hum the right Elvis song backwards.
Talks to them regularly, referring to them as “The Twins of Still Thought.”
Claims he’s not actually Elvis, but merely the version of Elvis someone once dreamed up and then forgot about. He says he is from Rapa Nui, somewhere inworld you must check out.
"I’m just a loose thread, baby. And I’m fraying fabulous." He once slow-danced with a broomstick named “Moai-ssa,” claiming it was her "projected form."
Dandy insists Dr. Parallax knows more than he admits — especially about the Key of Echoes, which he once described as:
“A song trapped in silver, baby. And it only plays for the truly out-of-tune.”
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Dr. Parallax lowers his glasses.
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He once told Raine Solara cryptically:
“Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like statues. They’re the only ones still listening.”
Dr. Parallax watches from a floating booth above the club, reclining in a Moai-shaped lounge chair, sipping from a coconut carved into the shape of a black hole.
He mutters into his lapel mic:
"We’re in the core now, baby. The cats are loose. The dancers are lit. The house is listening through its seams, or blame the aliens"
A nearby Moai fragment blinks once, as if to agree.
The Moai may remember Anjelikka's first design—or a warning. Either way, they may be collected with those cats and postcards we have been reporting on. It is time for Trenton Glass to come to the Retreat and report on this.
The Moai are waiting. And Dr. Parallax already made soup.
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