How childhood aided to my PTSD

Although I had this fascination with bugs as a child, there was one creature that really freaked me out. It still does today. My fear of this eight-legged fiend has forever caused anxiety in my life. So I incorporated this into Second Life to conquer my fears.

I was four and with my father went to the river that flows through my home town. During the summer it always was open to people for swimming. I love the water and playing in the shallow part of the river was refreshing and so much fun. The little fish tickled my toes and I laughed. My father watched me from the distance and I made sure he never was too far, but he let me enjoy the freedom of roaming around.

I was independent.  So it came that I, like any little princess, needed to use the bathroom and at the river, the only public bathrooms were similar to outhouses. They were constructed of wood and had openings exposed to the elements to provide light. I went in and closed the latch and like a good girl did my business, all by myself. It was then that things got a little more complicated and I had to make a decision that a four-year-old is not always ready to make. I couldn’t open the latch and was stuck. I screamed for my father but there was nobody who could hear me. I had two choices either wait until somebody would walk by and hear me or find a way out. I decided to find a way out.

There was an opening on the top of the door. The problem was that the opening was covered in webs and in the corner a big spider was just waiting for its prey. Now to a little girl like me that spider was a giant and it was waiting for me. I was absolutely terrified. I knew that the only way to get through this opening was to go through the web, and this web had the spider in it. I climbed as carefully as I could all the way up. I felt the web on my hair and then on my neck. I closed my eyes. The spider touched me and I was freaked out and crawled through the hole. My body was covered in scratches and I ran as fast as I could to my father and told him what had happened.  

It just shows that you can do whatever you need to do and even if you have fears you can overcome them. I still fear spiders to this day, but if I absolutely have to I will kill them. I just stay out of their way if all possible.