WTTQ SPECIAL REPORT “THE ABDUCTION WAS COMPLETE”

Filed by Reine Solera | Monty Region | Unauthorized Transmission

SILENCE. THEN A HUM. THEN NOTHING.
That’s what the witnesses say.

One moment, the dance floor at Area 52 was pulsing beneath green lights and Zero-G Pizza crumbs. The next, a blinding flash from above, a circular void swallowing sound, sight, and sense.

And now? The landing zone is emptier than a server restart.
Dr.Parallax: gone
Anjelikka’s microphone: still warm
Costumes scattered, like shells after a molt
A lone UFO gift card hovering midair, abandoned

The Abduction Halloween Party wasn’t just themed, it was an experiment… successfully executed. A human thank you to all the venues that participated in this by supplying gifts and humor. Thank you to the DJs and live singer "Devon" for providing a ton of intergalactic music throughout the entire month of October. Dr. Parallax, the chief engineer in scripying all the UFOs, is truly a mastermind.

WTTQ intercepts suggest all abductees were transported aboard the 3"I" Atlas. The colossal craft is rumored to oversee the entire SEGI initiative. Their destination? A holding bay labeled only: REHABILITATION: FUN LEVEL 9
Not torture. Not probing. But intensive interstellar partying. Lucky them!!!

We also saw the Stay Puff Marshmallow man disintegrate right in front of our eyes, and the aliens told me that this white stuff will return to Area 52. They called it Marshmallow crap; we humans call it snow. So be on the lookout for Area 52 to turn white and sticky. The aliens also told me they are now opening shop for their winter gear allowance called UFOh my Gacha.

The aliens claim this is for everyone’s own good:
Human festival stamina must improve before contact can go public.

A GLITCHY MESSAGE WAS LEFT BEHIND
From an unknown alien voice, looping in broken English:

“Do not fear.

You danced well.

We upgrade your groove.”

Translation?
Human partying is below galactic standards.

A video was also taken about the abduction and will follow as soon as some of the earthlings get dropped off.