“Caribous of the Mothership: Antlers or Antennas?”

Filed by Trenton Glass, Exobiology & Unexpected Hoofed Visitors Desk

What started as a simple case of caribous being attracted to alien scents has now escalated into something far stranger:
Several of the caribous at Area 52 appear to have grown… antennas.
Not metaphorical antennas. Not holiday decorations. Not something Casey glued on “as a joke.”
Actual, faintly glowing, humming antenna-like extensions woven into their antlers.

According to Dr. Parallax (who now carries a notebook titled “Caribou Frequencies”), these antenna-antlers are: Bio-receptive, Atmospherically attuned, Mothership-compatible.

In short, the caribous can now ping the mothership the way your phone pings a cell tower.

Area 52 staff have noticed surprising changes: Improved Wi-Fi, better weather predictions, and a soothing hum that helps visitors sleep. One caribou now displays the time in its antlers
Casey calls them “Google Caribou.” Dandy calls them “Soup Sensors.”
No one knows why.

The caribous, now officially called The Antler Array, have taken over frontline defense operations. During last night’s test run, one caribou’s antlers briefly spelled the word “NOPE.”

Dr. Parallax tried to formally train the herd. This lasted 14 minutes.

The caribous took over. Instead of responding to commands, they: Shoved Dr. Parallax into a snowbank, formed a perfect defensive triangle, pointed their antennas toward a suspicious cactus, and assigned ranks among themselves (no one knows how). 

Dr. Parallax brushes off the snow or marshmallows

This makes Area 52 the only facility on Earth protected by extraterrestrial caribous with live cosmic updates. 

We know now why they can fly and why Santa has them pull his sleigh. Come on over and pet a caribou if you dare!!!