“Rachel the Alien and the Fetish Files”

WTTQ Channel 10: Special Feature

“Tonight, WTTQ investigates a disturbing and slightly ridiculous phenomenon: alien foot fetishes. And at the center of it all… Rachel the Alien.”

Rachel's cousin peaking through the window?

FIELD REPORT – DEVON
“Viewers may remember Rachel as the graceful alien who once danced the Happy Dance with Casey while cats raided the liquor. But new leaks from Area 52 suggest she’s also leading a secret underground club known as The Sole Syndicate.”

Devon flying in

RACHEL SPEAKS

“Humans… you hide your power in the toes. We… admire. We… archive. We… wiggle.” (Rachel denies being an alien, but she sure knows a lot about them and the big toes that she calls "Jolly Green Giant". I'm not sure if that means the toe has a fungus. Maybe TMI?

EVIDENCE FILES
37 missing sandals from The Retreat patio.
Postcards showing only… footprints.

Cats seen smuggling shoelaces into a glowing portal.

EXPERT ANALYSIS – DR. PARALLAX
“Let’s be clear: this isn’t just a fetish. It’s an interdimensional fixation. Feet are metaphors for grounding. If Rachel is collecting them, she may be building… a runway. For what? We can’t say.”

FIELD REPORTER CASEY
“I’m here outside The Retreat, where piles of mismatched footwear have mysteriously vanished overnight. Residents are waking up barefoot, and frankly… a little creeped out.”

WITNESS
“I swear to you, ma’am, I went to bed in socks. When I woke up? Nothing. Just cold toes and a faint smell of interstellar Febreze.”

"Authorities caution citizens not to panic. But if you find a glowing footprint in your living room… report it immediately. And maybe lock up your Crocs.” So, do aliens have foot fetishes? Maybe. But here on WTTQ Channel 10, we’ll keep you informed… one sole at a time.”