WTTQ Channel 10 Consumer Watch
Raine Solera:
“Welcome back, viewers. We all know humans have long fought the pantry war: Nutella versus peanut butter. But what about the extraterrestrial palate? Our team has taste-tested with the galaxy’s most reluctant food critics, the aliens of Area 52.”
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| Stop right here!!! |
Anjelikka: "It’s not even close. Nutella had the aliens glowing with excitement. One saucer captain described it as ‘liquid velvet for the neurons.’ In fact, several attempted to barter three wormhole coordinates just for a spoonful.”
Alien-cats pawing at a Nutella jar, tails flicking wildly.
Caption: “Observed Behavior: Purring at 432 Hz.”
Rachel: “But peanut butter? That’s where things get… sticky. Literally. The moment they tried it, one alien declared, ‘This is mouth cement. Why would humans worship this adhesive?’ Another attempted to use it as thermal paste for their spacecraft. Reports indicate engine failure.”
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| ...and there goes a jar into the mothership. |
“Let me be clear. Peanut butter may divide humans, but for aliens, it’s a universal rejection. Its molecular density disrupts their psychic taste receptors. Nutella, on the other hand, amplifies them. That makes it more than food. It’s… a stimulant.”
“So there you have it, folks. If you want to make friends with aliens, hide the peanut butter, stockpile the Nutella, and maybe lock your cupboards. Because once they’ve tasted it, they don’t ask. They take.”
“Spread wisely.”
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| Where did the aliens hide that Nutella? |
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