Our Names do not appear...

I am here, the mermaid whose dark hair streams black, the merman in his armored body. We circle silently about the wreck we dive into the hold. We are, I am, you are by cowardice or courage the one who finds our way back to the scene carrying a knife, a camera a book of myths in which our names do not appear. ~Adrienne Cecile Rich

We can love, love, love, but sometimes, that love isn’t returned. That’s not our fault. We chose to love. They chose not to. This does not mean we are unlovable or unworthy of love. We’re not idiots, fools, or weak for loving.

Rather, we have courage. Because we chose to be vulnerable and self-sacrificing; a requirement for love. And when it was over, though the echoes of the painful experiences reverberate in the depths of our being, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and we keep pressing onward.

A goal made in many hours of PTSD therapy was to never apologize for loving people, even if that love is never returned. To be unloving is the other person’s problem, not mine.

Celebrate the fact that you are able to love. There are many people in the world too scared to take a chance on love in the first place. It doesn’t matter who you love or if they love you back. The fact that you can love is what’s important.

On the other side of this, you should never say that you are sorry for letting go of someone who hurts you. Understanding an unhealthy relationship holds you back from reaching your full potential is a huge step forward. Be proud and surround yourself with people who celebrate your courage. Imperfections are what makes you beautiful and unique. They should be embraced. Never say you’re sorry for a quality that makes you imperfectly perfect.

pictures were taken at JAMBO! - A Voyage To Africa 

If the truth hurts, the benefits of honesty far outweigh the initial sting of the truth. Once you have apologized for that then you are NOT obligated to do this over and over again for the same thing. Over apologizing or saying I’m sorry when it’s not necessary reduces self-esteem over time. It’s important to keep in mind that the trauma you suffered was not your fault and it will take time to heal. 

Shame is part of being human, shame is often part of PTSD recovery. At its base, shame drives the fear of not being good enough, plus a sense of humiliation, both of which are very powerful messages that affect all aspects of life. Shame can feel enormous and incredibly catastrophic, but that's just it: Shame is only a feeling, which is tied to a thought.

Do I feel shame? Yes, daily I feel shame for all actions I do and even telling the truth of admitting that I love and that I let that love go because it was not returned. Will I apologize for it? Hell NO!!!