“Burn me in the warmth of your breath...

...Don't Let me freeze in this cold hell of numbness!”

This used to be my favorite spot at the Retreat. I could sit here and admire the beautiful house, the garden and all that goes with it. I waited the endless hours for you to come and ask me that one question, but it never appeared on my screen. "A boy and a girl. Meeting halfway. Hoping for a happy ever after."

I have outlasted all desire,
My dreams and I have grown apart;
My grief alone is left entire,
The gleamings of an empty heart.(Alexander Pushkin)

Without love everything can be nothing. Does that make me want to love?  Pleasure and pain are on the same side of the coin of human experience. The opposite is indifference or numbness.