Gaslighting is a form of abuse

He made me feel stupid and I started to believe it.

So lately I hear much about the term Gaslighting and to me, it sounds exactly what narcissism is all about. The story of a frog that gets dropped in boiling water knows he is being boiled, but a frog that starts in cool water and the temperature is slowly turned up never knows he is being boiled. We have all experienced this from time to time when someone you know or even someone you live with and love tells you: You thought that last time and you were wrong, don’t you remember? Where did you get an idea like that? Quit bitching I am not listening to that crap tonight! You’re making that up, I don’t remember that at all.

Does that sound familiar? I know it does because that is a narcissist telling you that you are wrong, it is you and it all exists in your mind.

There were times when I wanted him to get burned.

If you dare question the truth it gets thrown back at you and you are accused of having a bad memory, you are told you always forget.  “You’re too sensitive” is what you also hear from the abuser. ( and I say abuser because that is what they are.) 

The narcissist can be a co-worker or even your boss too but this kind of devalue you and gaslighting is a form of psychological/emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations repeatedly to trick the victim into doubting this/her own memory, perception and sanity. I know this from my own experiences and much of the abuse led to PTSD as a result of many other events that may have occurred in your life. It all adds up.

I felt utterly alone and ashamed of what was happening to me. 

And a narcissistic gaslighter is not always a man, women can use this emotional abuse as well. I know this too about a friend I have here in SL. He is not in SL anymore but he most definitely gets abused by the now-wife he met in SL and is with her in RL. I often fear for him and that triggers my anxiety and I feel helpless because I cannot help him. 

If you are being abused, be careful how you approach this. Abusers can be dangerous and will manipulate you to believe you are at fault. Keep a journal, write it all down exactly hos it happens. This can give you a big picture later and helps with the heeling that you are NOT crazy and you DID NOT cause any of this. Plan a safe exit!!!

If all fails please, please call 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in more than 200 languages. All calls are free and confidential.

Dancing under the stars

Every Saturday night the Basement Club holds its musical set with DJ Riker on the Retreat Plaza. This is a beautiful location surrounded by its landscape and architecture. 

You can visit here anytime and do not have to wait for any kind of set. While you are here visit the Retreat Gallery and also go down to the Basement Club where most of our sets are held.

Sunday  6-8 PM SLT DJ Karyn/or DJ Likka as a sub
Tuesday 6-8 PM SLT DJ DACINOR ( Indie/Alternative)
Thursday 8-10 PM SLT DJ Likka and DJ Dandy (Indie/Eclectic)
Friday 7-9 PM SLTGrum ( Indie/ Alternative)
Saturday 6-8 PM SLT DJ Riker (eclectic rock)

Feel free to contact me (Anjelikka) if you want to DJ or host or if you want to display your art.
We would love to have you here and enjoy the Retreat fully, so don't hesitate. Become a group member and get all the updates of events and sets that are happening here.

The music here is always unique, always different because when it comes to music you want to hear a mix of a variety of tunes. Think of it as spices to a meal. Come join us soon!!!!

Kolmannskuppe

In Namibia, from 1884 to 1915, the German Empire ruled the area and it was known as German South-West Africa. Diamonds were found in this particular area in 1908 and caused an influx of German miners. The village was built in the architectural style of a German town and even had the first tram in Africa that lead to the next town. It had many amenities and buildings including a theater, hospital, casino, school, bowling alley, ballroom and sport-hall, power station, ice factory, and the first x-ray-station in the southern hemisphere.

Kolmannskuppe. A ghost town and tourist destination in southern Nambia. Once a thriving diamond mine and one of the richest towns in Africa, the abandoned buildings are now being swallowed by the Namib desert. Come visit it in Second Life.

After the first World War, the town began to decline and Kolmanskop became abandoned by 1954. The diamonds in the area were exhausted and the wealth that once drove this luxurious desert town had been depleted. The desert sands are now reclaiming the town. Many of the houses have several feet of sand inside them and the outside of many buildings are deteriorating. Overall the ghost town is in good shape, having tours run through it for interested visitors. Tours are run by the NamDeb company and you need a permit to visit.
Find it with these desert coordinates. 26.70406°S 15.232365°E and find it in Second Life via this landmark: Kolmannskuppe 

It is a beautiful recreation and it really gives you the feel of being in the hot and dry desert where all you see is sand and these ruins left behind. I hope you go and check it out. 

Endless 58-58N

The Orkney Islands, group of more than 70 islands and islets—only about 20 of which are inhabited—in Scotland, lying about 20 miles (32 km) north of the Scottish mainland, across the strait known as the Pentland Firth. The Orkney Islands constitute a council area and belong to the historic county of Orkney. The subject of the latest region design by  Sombre Nyx called Endless 58-58N.

It is worth a visit, leave your smartphones behind because they won't work on this remote island but do bring a sunhat and sunglasses and enjoy the fresh sea breeze.

The Orkney Islands were fashioned by glacial erosion of the underlying sandstone, limestone, and igneous rocks into low, undulating hills, covered extensively by glacial deposits. Westerly winds and gales account for the general scarcity of trees. 

I enjoyed the calmness here and you can take some fantastic photographs. I did not see any crowds of people a few visitors here and there, so no issue with lag at all.

Dya's scent of the Caribbean

"Dya's scent of the Caribbean. Feel the good vibes and the rhythm of Reggae. Long beaches, romantic spots, and various places for photographers. Good place for biker and horseman. Everyone is welcome :)"

The warm breeze from the ocean will tickle your senses and make you feel the cool minty waters of the Caribbeans. This place is magical in many ways, it makes you happy the minute you set foot here.

A walk along the white sandy beach listening to the seagulls singing their hungry songs. Hear the waves rolling in and out to the Reggae sounds. 

Follow the paths and it will lead you around the island and you will always find the beach. There is even a blue lagoon and turtles...just look around and you will find all the hidden treasures this lovely sim has to offer. Take a swim in the smooth sea to refresh your senses.

Or let the soft waves massage your body. The crystal clear waters are a pure joy as they surround you.

Meet some of the happy people as you frolic around the island. This is a great experience and a relaxing getaway if you need it. Stop by often.!!! 

Broken pieces of my life

Drive by the Retreat and Basement Club in Monty

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why, oh, why can't I? Actually, I can and the rainbow is always translucent anywhere because sometimes you could be right in that rainbow and not even know it. 

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
To my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before
First, there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before

Thank you for being there when everything seems to fall apart once again but yet tears dry before they hit the ground.

The universe is 13.78 billion years old

Alien dreams have always been powered by the desire for human importance in a vast, forgetful cosmos: We want to be seen so we know we exist. What’s unusual about the alien fantasy is that, unlike religion, nationalism, or conspiracy theory, it doesn’t place humans at the center of a grand story. In fact, it displaces them: Humans become, briefly, major players in a drama of almost inconceivable scale, the lasting lesson of which is, unfortunately: We’re total nobodies.

There are numerous stories of people who have claimed to have some kind of encounter with the unexplained. For example, in 1975, a team of loggers claimed their 22-year-old co-worker Travis Walton disappeared for five days after a glowing disc in the Arizona woods zapped him with a “bluish ray.” Intrigued, he’d reportedly wandered underneath the hovering object, and it abducted him. This, later on, was made into a movie with the name "Fire in the Sky". You can also read his book, which some people claim it was written to make money. Of course, books are written to make money, what other reason is there to write to them? To learn things? Nothing is free and everything has its price. If you have not seen the movie, go check it out. Not as compelling as the book, but hey Hollywood even makes alien guts look glamourous.

Where are these aliens? Let’s start with the most depressing theory: Maybe we haven’t found extraterrestrials because they’re all dead — at least now. The universe is 13.78 billion years old, and in that amount of time, there might have been plenty of civilizations that evolved and went extinct. But maybe they’re not dead — just hibernating. Maybe alien life is actually everywhere — it’s just not intelligent enough to speak with us.  Maybe the aliens are already here and we just haven’t figured it out yet. 

You can always research for yourself. Maybe start with the famous SETI project itself. It is a fascinating subject and if you love things like this(obviously I do) then you will enjoy that website. I used to be all part of the SETI project lending your computer to science and record outer space noise, just in case someone wanted to contact us. In the good ole days when I played Starfleet Command and we would fight the aliens in a virtual world.

The truth isn’t out there — it’s here.

How rude!!!!

“Never stop being a good person because of bad people.” “Being a good person does not mean you have to put up with other people’s crap.”

Actually, I can say I am nice and a good person. I do much more for people than I get in return. “Patience, kindness, and acceptance are often hard to find, and admitting when you’re lacking in those areas can be even more difficult.” I don't know if I have filled these areas all at once at any time, maybe at one time of my life, I did. I can say I have accepted the unkindness of others more than I have given kindness to them. 

Most definitely not a nice girl here now, is she?

Being born in Germany makes it hard to kind of come across as soft and forgiving, but it is totally a stereotype that you are born with. The most German of traits is this need to correct people, no matter how trivial the point. First, Germans really, really struggle to grasp non-literal meanings. Second, Germans really, really can’t help but say when they think you’re wrong. 

German humor tends to have a target. While they are happy to laugh at others, and especially the misfortunes of others (other Germans, that is), their faltering self-confidence doesn’t allow for self-ridicule. Does that mean I am not nice if I cannot reverse a joke and tell someone else? Because as a German telling a joke or even just kidding about something will never be taken funny but rather than being rude and mean. Trust me I know this, it happens all the time. I could say," she is so full of it," and this will be translated that I am jealous and rude and mean.

In German, this would be " eine Schlampe". Even the word looks rude.

German people may not be very public with their emotions in comparison to some countries, but the only thing that I found cold about Germany was their harsh northern winter. Germans are not rude – they are just generally honest. Being honest however is often considered rude in America, because people here are usually not as real. I think rather than saying that person is mean, someone might say they are just having a bad day. True we all have bad days and act up out of the ordinary...oh so many times I wanted to act up and say FU to people, but I didn't and I smiled and walked away. How rude is that?

“It’s better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie” 

You lift me up!!!

What did the fox say?

In order to create anything, you have to be open to it. Breathe!!! I know how I am I will find a hundred excuses why I cannot finish anything, but I also know once I start something I must finish it. I always feel good after I created something that all of a sudden came from me. Whether it is a poem or a story or a photograph or even a painting, how did it get started?

Just waiting for ideas to come to mind.

Do I think it through or do I just let it come to me as I wait and wait? I could even talk to a bunch of people or just sit there and laugh and the creativity may suddenly come from something someone said.

laughing with friends in order to get inspired.

Even as I took the picture below I had no idea what it would be or where it would fit in. That is the beauty of creativity, it will come to you and out of nothing you make something.

"You lift me up"

Maybe boredom isn’t so boring after all.

There was actually no reason for this post at all, other than that I needed to stay busy during this C-19 thing. Real Life has come to a stop and leaves everybody thinking of what is it all about. Do I fear, do I just wait? What do I do?

I suppose we just wait and see since we are all in this together and nobody is missing anything here other than the freedom to go about what we do in our daily routine. 

We are pretty tough and we fight our way through the boredom of having more time to think. Maybe it is an opportunity to get to look at ourselves more closely? I Don't know. I am just thinking out loud, well thinking as I am writing this.

How do you spend your time? I love to hear about how people fight boredom. So wait a second—maybe boredom isn’t so boring after all, maybe all this time it’s been about avoiding your deepest inner thoughts. But isn’t that the juiciest material for a creative masterpiece?

Some psychologists who study boredom say that taking the uncomfortable path of embracing boredom, instead of escaping it, can elevate our minds and spark creativity. To really dive deep into the creative unknown that is our “bored” state of mind, we’ve got to do whatever it takes to remove those escape factors that are eating up our idle moments.

YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER

...but you can't make him drink.

The phrase acts as a miniature parable or a metaphor, comparing a present situation where someone is doing everything humanly possible to help lead a person to the solution to their problem (like leading a horse to water), but that person doesn't take hold of that solution to get the help they need (you can't make him drink).
I am sure we all have been stubborn at one point or another and refused the advice of others. Yes, you have, so don't say you haven't. 

The phrase appeared in literature over the centuries in a variety of forms; for example, in the play, Narcissus, which was published in 1602, of unknown authorship, subtitled as A Twelfe Night merriment, played by youths of the parish at the College of Saint John the Baptist in Oxford:
Your parents have done what they coode,
They can but bringe horse to the water brinke,
But horse may choose whether that horse will drinke.

Why do we do that? Think about yourself. How often do you really, honestly take someone else’s advice and go on to actually implement it? How often do you say to yourself, “Wow, that’s a great idea. That’s a much better way of doing things than the way I had been doing it (or was planning on doing). I’m going to implement this starting today.” As John Steinbeck has once said, “No one wants advice – only corroboration.”

I think people are afraid of the unknown. They are afraid of stepping outside of their comfort zone.  And so is the secret to living a fulfilling life. It’s not easy, it takes practice, but it can be done. You just have to take the steps when you are ready but once you have you will feel so much better, It is liberating knowing you have made a change. The water does not taste so bad either!!!

It's not your beauty...it's the booty

It's no secret that most men prefer a more shapely booty than a skinny one. I just wonder why? Is it because they don't have much of it? But that may not the only thing men like, there are those who prefer the other "B" word. Breasts!

Breasts. Do you have them? Then there's a guy who likes them. If they're on the small side, were are guys who appreciate how they defy gravity. Large and in charge? Plenty of men will have trouble keeping their eyes above your collar bone. 

An interesting fact is, while men like a woman’s butt they actually enjoy the spinal curve that much more. No really. Studies have shown it’s that angle where the spine meets the butt that really gets all the attention from the opposite sex - and for good reason. That direct angle allows the butt to be more prominent so it catches the eye. Think about it: when a woman turns to the side and shows off this sexy silhouette of a perfectly curved spine and an ample booty, it really is attractive, right? Well, we can thank the spinal curve for that.

Osterhase

The Easter bunny first introduced in the 1700s by German immigrants in Pennsylvania, who reportedly brought over their tradition of an egg-laying hare named "Osterhase" or "Oschter Haws." As the story goes, the rabbit would lay colorful eggs as gifts to children who were good — so the kids would make nests in which the bunny could leave his eggs, and would even sometimes leave out carrots in case the hare got hungry! Eventually, the custom spread across America to become a widespread Easter tradition — and over time, the fabled bunny's delivery even expanded from just eggs to include other treats such as chocolate and toys.
There is a treat at the Basement Club for you and you get this nice Easter Bunny for free. (the big white one) .

Whether you celebrate Easter or not I am sure you can delight yourself in some bunnies.
I put out several throughout the Retreat. Stop by often and take some pictures.

Who knows you may run into the goddess Ostara. Ostara, otherwise known as Ēostre, is the Germanic goddess of spring and dawn. On the old Germanic calendar, the equivalent month to April was called “Ōstarmānod” – or Easter-month. 

Have a "hoppy" day!!!

If you don't want my peaches

...You'd better stop shaking my tree.

Lately, my tolerance and patience have even worse. The more time I have at the moment to make it possible to log into Second Life at any time, the less I take advantage of it. 

I am tired of being asked the question so are you locked in your house or do you still go to work? WTF!!! What difference does that make to you or anyone if I am at home in quarantine or if I am still out there?

Where I am located in Real Life the virus is there, oh wait are we not all on the same planet? Are we not all affected by this? Yes, we are so the question is really not a question that needs to be asked. What did you think that I have some bubble around me and I am spared from all this nonsense? I wish I was.

And yes, some people just have the need for talking and finding stuff out. Dumb questions always arouse some reaction out of me. Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. What I am most disappointed in people is when you tell them everything about yourself and you feel like they really think the world of you and then in one moment, you are nothing. “Fake friends are around when they think you’re cool. True friends are around even when they think you’re a fool.”

Like I said if you don't want my peaches then don't shake my tree.